Then There's Another Day

There will be a moment that you look back and it will not cause you pain anymore. You will not tear up, you will not get angry, and you will not get that awful knot in the pit of your stomach. You will look yourself in the mirror and say, "I made it." That's when you realize it.

At one point you were so broken you couldn't even say his name or look at a picture of him. Some nights you were walking into your best friend's room, falling on the floor, and crying hysterically for hours. During the day you were coming out of the shower, falling to the floor in your robe, and sobbing uncontrollably. You sobbed  so long that day that your friends had to pick you up and dress you themselves...literally. Every day you were so depressed that you hated your life, yourself, and no longer wanted to live. Then something happened.

Then there's another day. One day, like nothing, you find yourself willingly looking back, and you realize that, all of a sudden, you can look at pictures, reminisce, and feel that one sensation in your heart that you searched months for: peace. That's when you know you're not a victim of heartbreak and depression. You're a warrior who has rebuilt herself stronger than ever before. You woke up every day, fought, and won. Congratulations.

You are allowed

You are allowed to feel any emotion that overcomes you in any instance. You are allowed to be bitter and angry if someone hurts your feelings and betrays you. You are allowed to feel uneasy when you have made a mistake. You are allowed to feel proud when you achieve something you have worked so hard for. You are allowed to feel inspired and invigorated when you engage in your greatest work. You are allowed to, and will, feel uncomfortable when practicing vulnerability.

It is okay to cry out of sadness and pain, just like it is okay to shed tears of joy. We're human. The ability to feel and express emotion is one of our greatest assets. Enjoy the emotions that make you feel good. For the emotions that make you feel not so good, work through them, understand their source, and address them in a way specific to your needs so that you can, eventually, let them go. However, be patient with yourself. Remember that feeling and expressing certain emotions is by no means easy, and that's okay.

I Believe In

I believe in loaning your friends money, even if there is no guarantee that they will pay you back.
I believe in hoping that people have a great night, even if they might not leave you a tip on the table.
I believe in running outside, even while snow remains on the ground from a long winter.
I believe in breakfast at any hour of the day, and homemade meals that make our bellies so full...even if your pants fit too tight afterwards.
I believe in laughing with your best friend over the fact that neither of you have your lives together, even if you both act like you do all the time.
I believe in the healing magic of sports, for both the fans and the players, even if you just lost a game.
I believe in the freedom of singing loudly, regardless of how you sound.
I believe in telling the people you love just how much you really do love them daily, even if they get tired of hearing it.
I believe in the peace and stillness after a deep breath in the midst of chaotic moments.
I believe in the power of unconditional love, no matter how many times you've been hurt by the world.

The Truth About Heartache

"You know what, tragedies happen. What are you gonna do? Give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive, because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you that somewhere out there, there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for." -Nathan Scott, One Tree Hill

Although One Tree Hill is only my most recent Netflix obsession, it's taught me something. At this point in the series, I can relate to Nathan Scott's pain. He was right. Bad things are going to happen to us in our lives. It's inevitable. Sometimes we're going to leave people we love, for one reason or another. Other times, people we love are going to leave us. Both are going to hurt like hell, and both are going to be a loss.

The world is going to break your heart a million times in a million ways. Our hearts break for all kinds of reasons. Whether a loved one passes away, a friend abuses drugs or alcohol, someone you know gets diagnosed with a terminal illness, or your ex-boyfriend moves onto another girl...it's heartbreak. Whatever your reason, your heart is allowed to break. With every break comes a new lesson.

Although it's not the best feeling in the world, heartbreak is authentic, real feeling. It reminds us we're alive. You don't have to put on a happy face for anyone, why should you? Being heartbroken, for whatever reason, is real. It shows that you're not afraid to love and let people in. That's something to be proud of. Letting yourself be heartbroken is noble too. When your heart breaks, you become vulnerable. It is at our most vulnerable, honest moments that we experience the most growth. You are not weak or any less of a person because of it. You're human.

I like to think that letting yourself feel the pain of heartbreak is pretty damn admirable. It will only make you stronger.

Trust Love

In college, I learned how I know I can trust someone.

I used to be a naturally trusting person. No one ever needed to earn my trust, I gave it away freely. Unfortunately I have also learned that people take advantage of that sometimes. Now I know that not all those who I come in contact with are deserving of my trust, and that is okay. Those just are not the kind of people that will help me grow in this life because it seems that they are not looking out for my emotional safety (Shout out to Jackie Cunningham for teaching me that this summer <3).

The people who I can trust are those who are looking out for my emotional safety by holding me accountable. Whether I am held accountable for basic things like, "Did you go to the gym today like you said you wanted to?" or, "You should go to that meeting for that new club you have been wanting to join." Also, there are moments when I am humbled; I am held accountable for deeper things such as looking out for my own emotional safety. Statements such as, "Emily, stop taking naps and go do something," or, "Emily, you're not over it. Talk to me about it," or sometimes even, "Don't do that to yourself, you'll only make it worse," cause introspection and remind me to take care of myself and not judge my negative emotions.

Trust those who make you talk about what is bothering you and support you when you do so.
Trust those who prompt your smile and your laughter.
Trust those who drag you out of bed and tell you to get a grip when you're whining too much.
Trust those who surround you with kindness and love you even on your sad days.
Trust those who forgive you for being a grouch.
Trust those who do not judge you for your feelings, positive or negative.
Trust those who remind you that everything happens for a reason.
Trust those who help you come out of your dark days stronger than ever.
Trust those who keep you physically and emotionally safe.
Trust love.

Let Yourself Shine

After a month of celebrating Graduation I feel mostly two things: gratitude and relief.

Gratitude, because I am blessed with an amazing supoort system. I have a family who is awesome and never stops cheering me on. I have three best friends who keep me laughing, hold me when I'm crying, and love me when I need it most. I have a boyfriend who is a true gentleman with the kindest, biggest heart I know. He keeps my feet on the ground and helps me remain calm.

Now, I also feel relief. I spent the past four years trying to prove to a group of people that I am a good person. I let adults bully me and bring me down for mistakes I made. As a result, gossip, rumors, and judgements behind my back were constant. For four years, I let this negativity hinder my growth in this small town. I held back because I felt like I was being watched under a microscope. After high school, I am jaded. It's exhausting trying to "prove" yourself. Now I realize that I never needed to prove to anyone that I'm a good person, I know I am and the ones close to me do too. Some people are insular and will never change their opinions of people, and that's something valuable I've learned--send those people love. I will always believe that people are genuinely good at heart, as Anne Frank once said.

I feel relief because I am done trying to change things that are out of my control. I am letting it go once and for all. The past four years I spent worrying, but the next four years I plan to embrace every new opportunity that comes to me. New people, new places, new adventures...I cannot wait.

Don't ever exhaust yourself trying to prove your worth. YOU are a good person brought here for a reason. Be kind, understanding, and forgiving to even those who do not help you grow. Do not ever dim your light out of fear of judgements from others. Let yourself shine, I know I'm going to.

What Lies Within Us

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Too often we dwell on the past. Mistakes we have made, people we have hurt, lies we have told. Sometimes we become consumed with guilt from past actions that it prevents us from healing and moving forward. We are not our biggest mistakes, just as we are not our greatest successes either; we are simply human. In some moments we are not the person our parents and grandparents want us to be, but that is the past. Let it go.

Letting go of guilt, negativity, and regret makes us strong and resilient in times of adversity. Forgiving yourself is the first step to moving on and healing. Be kind  and treat yourself with acceptance, understanding, and love; do not judge. There is someone out there who is feeling just as you are in this exact moment.

Be forgiving of what lies behind you; the past is gone. Be vulnerable and welcome what lies in front of you; you have a fresh start with each moment. Be grateful for what lies within you, for you are a unique, extraordinary individual and there is no one else quite like you in this world. Namaste.